is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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