Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the condom got lost in my hair
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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