i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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