Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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