yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
