I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
