Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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