Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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