Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
