We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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