1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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