I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
