She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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