nut hugger
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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