Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Found the puke drawer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
