I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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