Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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