I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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