Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
