gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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