My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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