dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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