What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
