He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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