She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
