Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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