yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
