I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
