take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
