Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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