Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
