Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
