Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
