i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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