I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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