I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
