i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
