Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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