he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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