stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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