My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
