the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
