They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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