Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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