the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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