I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
