I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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