Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
