May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
