She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
