Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We are all done wearing pants today
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
