If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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