You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
