Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
