My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize