If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
