i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize