I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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