I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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