When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
