Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
