That's when you crack a 10am beer
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
