Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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