Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
