You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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