john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This baby is an asshole
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
