I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
