Will you blow on my dice?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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