I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Found your dick twin last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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